


My Love, Don't Let Go

by Pantherheart



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F, an idea I came up while working on a project for English class, it would not leave my head, so I wrote it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-10-31 10:49:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10897797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pantherheart/pseuds/Pantherheart
Summary: Completely AU.Root and Shaw are married. Shaw is a Marine and has to leave for war. She dies saving 8 other soldiers. Root is left heartbroken. But little does she know, her wife won't stay away forever. After all, Shaw did promise to come back. And she doesn't take promises lightly...<=><=><=>This is a really shitty summary. I'm sorry. The story's better than this makes it sound.***Also, Root goes by Samantha/Sam in this. I'm not sure why I wrote her that way. I've never written her with that name before, so I guess I'll give it a shot. I think I like Root better than Samantha, but like I said, this is not at all canon.





	1. Cover Art

**Author's Note:**

> Those of you who read my other story, The Beauty of Existence, an update is coming soon! Sorry for the delay! Once again, my teachers gave me a crapton of homework and I had little time to write. I'm about half way through the next chapter, so if it'll be up Sometime this week. I was working on it earlier, but this idea would not leave my head, so I had to sit down and write it. I don't know how happy I am with it, but who knows? I do criticize my writing too much sometimes. At least, other people tell me I do. Whatever, read it if you want. And maybe enjoy it!

 

 

 _My love, my love_  
_Where've you gone?_  
_I turned around_  
_And now I'm alone._  
_Will I ever understand it?_  
Will I make it to the other side?  
I almost died  
The day I lost you.

 _I'll keep breathing,_  
I'll keep breathing,  
I'll keep breathing,  
‘Til my heart stops,  
‘Til my heart stops.

-"’Till My Heart Stops" by Too Far Moon


	2. Preface: Samantha

I never really paid much attention to ghost stories - people claiming to see one or hearing strange noises in the middle of the night or feeling a presence behind them and turning around to see no one there. It’s not that I didn’t believe in ghosts, per se. Anything is possible, for the universe is vast and greatly misunderstood. I just… never gave it much thought.

I’ve heard numerous stories of people wishing that ghosts were real so that they could see a dead loved one again. I always thought they were selfish to wish that. If the tales of ghosts were indeed true, they only stayed on this earth if they had “unfinished business” and longed for someone to help them so that they could move on. So why would they choose to stay - even for someone they cared about in life?

But now, experiencing this loss firsthand… I can understand those people’s desires. I had lost Sameen. My Sameen, my soulmate… She was dead. And with her, died a piece of me, leaving a gaping hole in my chest. A wound, I was afraid, would never fully heal. Sameen had promised to come back to me and I hoped, more than anything, that the universe would allow her to - in whatever form that may be.


	3. Part 1: Sameen

 

I had met Samantha through John Reese, a friend I made while training for the Marines in Boot Camp. I didn’t normally make friends. I never had much use for them. People annoyed me. Most of them never shut up and they always expect you to feel things the same way they do. But John was different than most people. He spoke as little as possible and his voice barely rose above a whisper. (I nicknamed him Batman for that reason.) He didn't bat an eye when I told him I have Axis II Personality Disorder and don’t feel emotions at the same level as everyone else. He just gave me an understanding nod and that was the end of it.

We were at dinner one night, when out of nowhere he said, “I think you’d like my sister.”

I almost choked on the bread I was eating when he said that because what the hell was he talking about? I asked him this exact question and he just smirked at me and said, “My sister. I think you two would get along really well.”

“And what makes you say that?” I grumbled, taking a drink of water to wash down the bread I almost died on.

“Well… You’re both really smart. And you both hate people.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I love her already.”

“I wasn’t done yet!” he complained.

I held my hands up in mock surrender. “Fine. Continue.”

“Like I said, you’re both smart and hate people. And you both love dogs. And you're each fond of video games. And-”

“Ok,” I interrupted. “I never though I’d say this because you barely speak, but whatever. If it’ll make you shut up, fine. I’ll go with you to meet your sister when we go back to New York.”

John gave me one of his rare smiles, his eyes twinkling. “I’ll call Samantha tonight.”

***

The first time I saw Samantha, she was lounging on the couch with a laptop on her lap, her fingers flying across the keys. At her feet lay a large Belgian Malinois, who lifted his head when we entered and almost bowled John over in an effort to lick his face. John immediately dropped his bag by the door and knelt down in front of the dog. He scratched behind his ears and let him lick his face.

“I missed you, too, Buddy.” He looked over at me. “Shaw, this is Bear, Samantha’s Emotional Support service dog.”  
Bear studied me for a moment, his head cocked in curiousity. I reached a hand out in front of him so he could smell it. He did and licked it in approval, proceeding to sit at my feet and wag his tail furiously. I knelt down and he started licking my face. I pet his head and smiled.

“He likes you.”

I looked up to see Samantha watching from where she was now leaning against the arm of the sofa. Bear gave my face one last lick before returning to his master’s side and sitting at her feet. Samantha smiled down at her dog, giving him a scratch between the ears before turning back to me.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” she said.

“Sam, this is Sameen Shaw, the friend from Boot Camp I was telling you about.”

“I remember. Never thought you could actually make friends, Big Lug.” She gave her brother a smug smirk before turning her gaze back to me. She held a hand out for me to shake.

I took it and immediately felt sparks ignite throughout my body. A warm feeling filled my chest and when my eyes met her chocolate brown ones, I could feel my heart pound in my chest.

This woman elicited a feeling within me, one I’d never felt before and therefore, could not name. From that first moment, there was a connection between us, one that would only grow stronger the more time we spent together. A small part of me was annoyed with John for being right about us. The other, bigger part of me was too awestruck by Samantha to care.

 


	4. Part 2: Samantha

 

It didn’t take long for Sameen and I to admit our feelings for one another. I knew Sameen’s Personality Disorder made it difficult for her to process her emotions, but I could tell she tried her best for me. I told her I didn’t need, nor want, her to give me more than she was capable of giving. I didn’t need her to say “I love you,” because I already knew she did. She showed it through her actions. And that was enough for me.

We married after a few years of dating. Sameen said that once her contract with the Marines expired, she’d get a job here in New York so that she could be closer to home and spend more time with me.  
Sameen had one more deployment before her contract ended. She told me one night, she had to leave again.

“One more deployment, Sam, and I'll be done in the Marines. And it’ll only be for 6 months this time. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“What if…” I started to ask, but couldn’t bring myself to say What if you don't come back? Worry took over my body and I bit my lip, trying to hold back tears.

Sameen cupped my cheek, lifting my chin to meet her eyes. “There's no way in hell I’m leaving you. I’ll be back. I promise.”

I sniffled, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

Sameen gave me a small smile. “No matter what happens, I will always find you, Sam. There are things I care about here.”

***

Sameen left a few days after that. Bear and I accompanied her to the airport. At the gate, I pulled her into a tight hug.

“I love you,” I whispered in her ear.

“Dooset daram. (I love you.)” Sameen pulled me in a bit tighter before letting me go.

She knelt down in front of Bear and pet his head. “Take care of her for me, Buddy.”

Bear woofed in agreement and licked Sameen’s hand.

My Sameen stood, giving us one last small smile before hefting her back on her shoulder and turning away. She entered the gate and the door shut behind her, blocking her from sight. Little did I know, that would be the last I saw of my wife in life.

 


	5. Part 3: Sameen

 

The mission was supposed to be quick and easy. My squad and I, known as Indigo 5, were given orders to scout the building for any possible useful information. Everything was going smoothly at first. We didn’t detect any booms or buried mines around the building, so we proceeded to enter.

John and I walked side by side into the building, guns raised and senses alert. Suddenly, there was the sound of gunfire and I felt a searing pain in my hip. I whipped around, gritting my teeth in pain, and noticed a man hidden behind a stack of crates. I shot at him and he fell to the ground, dead. I limped as fast as I could over to where his body lay.

“The son of a bitch planted a bomb!” I looked closer at the device and cursed. “It’s set to go off in 3 minutes!”

I looked over to see my comrades on the ground, clutching wounds to their legs or knees or hips. A few were able to clamber to their feet. They all looked at me, unsure what to do. Surveying my surroundings, I noticed five of my colleagues were still on the ground, unable to stand. Making a split-second decision, I yelled at the ones standing to “RUN!” and grabbed one of the fallen and slung him over my shoulder, running towards the front door, ignoring the pain that exploded in my hip when I did so.

We made it a safe distance from the building and I set down the man I had been carrying. I immediately turned and started running back towards the building. I repeated the process over and over, my veins pumping with adrenaline, helping to dull the pain in my hip.

There were two men left in inside the building, one of whom was John. I pulled him over my shoulder and headed back toward the others. I set him down on the ground beside the other wounded soldiers. I was about to turn back when John grabbed my arm, stopping me.

“Shaw,” he rasped.

“John, there’s still one more guy in there. I can’t just let him die without trying to save him.”

John met my eyes, searching for something. He must’ve found it because he nodded. “You’re a good soldier, Shaw. A good friend.”

“If I don’t make it,” I said, “Take care of Sam for me.”

He nodded and I ran off back to the building. I had the last man on my shoulders and was right at the doorway when there was a loud BOOM! and everything went black.


	6. Part 4: Samantha

 

 

It was 9 o’clock on a Sunday morning when the officer came. I had just fed Bear his breakfast and was working on a coding project on my laptop when the doorbell rung. I stood up and walked to the front door, Bear following at my heels. When I opened the door and saw the military officer and medic standing there, I felt my heart skip a beat and my chest tighten.

Oh, no. No, please, no…

“Are you Samantha Shaw, wife of Sameen Shaw?” the military officer asked.

“Yes. Why? What’s going on?”

“Mrs. Shaw, I’m sorry to inform you, but… your wife has died.”

I felt my heart shatter in my chest and my knees buckle beneath me. Immediately, the medic reached out and guided me to sit in a chair. Bear came to sit beside me, resting his head on my lap. I rested a hand on his neck, tangling my fingers into his fur. He whined, sensing my despair but unsure what exactly was going on.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks and my body racked with sobs. The medic gently rubbed my back, trying to calm me down.

“How?” I choked out.

“Sameen Shaw was a hero,” the officer told me, his voice firm, but kind. “She and her squad of soldiers were investigating a site for possible information when they were shot at by an enemy trooper hidden within the building. Shaw was able to incapacitate him, but the man had planted a bomb. She and the other soldiers with her were all hit, but some could stil walk - Shaw included. She told the ones who could walk to get out and she was able to carry four of the ones who couldn’t to safety. She was leaving with the fifth and final man… when the bomb went off. The whole building exploded. Sadly, Shaw and Private Jackson did not make it out in time. She was able to save 9 other soldiers, one of whom was her friend, and your brother, John Reese.”

I just stared at the officer in shock, unable to process the information he was telling me. Sameen… My Sameen… was gone. Dead.

“But…” I could barely breathe through my sobs and forming words was even harder. “Sh- She promised- to- to return- t- to- me!”

“I’m so sorry,” the officer said. “I know it’s not much consolation for the pain you are feeling right now… but your wife will be awarded an honorary Purple Heart for her bravery.”

I closed my eyes and slid out of the chair onto the floor, my body still shaking with uncontrollable sobs. I felt Bear’s wet nose touch my cheek and I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his soft fur. Bear whined, pressing closer to my body.

“She’s gone, Bear!” I cried. “Sameen’s dead!”

I burrowed deeper into his soft fur, finding comfort in his warmth.

I don’t know when the officer and medic left. I stayed on the floor with Bear for hours and cried until I had no more tears to shed. My heart beat erratically in my chest, and it hurt. I hoped my heart would just stop beating altogether because death would be easier than living with this pain. I didn’t know how I’d survive without Sameen. Quite honestly, I wasn’t sure I could.


	7. Part 5: Bear

 

I had just finished my breakfast when the loud ding happened. That meant there was someone outside on the porch. My master (her name is Samantha) went to the front door and opened it. I followed behind her. I saw two men standing there, neither of whom I recognized. One was wearing a tan uniform and the other, a long white coat. They both smelled… somewhat familiar. I took another sniff, trying to figure out why.

Then I realized, they smelled like Sameen. She was nice. I liked her. She gave me a lot of belly rubs and always brought me treats. She spent a lot of time here with Samantha. They were always holding hands or pressing their mouths together.(Why do you humans do that, anyway? If you like someone, just lick their face! I don’t understand you humans, sometimes.)

Anyway, the two visitors smelled kind of like Sameen, which I found unsettling, but I resisted the urge to growl at them. Samantha wouldn’t like it if I did that.  
I looked up at Samantha. She seemed worried, but I wasn’t sure why. The man in the tan uniform said something to her and she answered him. I didn’t listen close enough to know what they said because I was focused on Samantha, alert in case she needed my help.

The man in the tan uniform got this really sympathetic look on his face and said something else.

Whatever he told Samantha was bad because immediately after he said it, she started crying and the second man, the one in the white coat, helped her sit down in one of the chairs. They talked for a few more minutes, which only upset Samantha more. I sat next to her and put my head on her lap, ignoring the other two men in the room. I didnt like them and I wanted to growl and bark at them, tell them they’re upsetting my master. Didn’t they know she has trouble with depression?

Samantha gets really sad sometimes and in the past, it’s gotten so bad that she’s tried to hurt herself. She hasn’t done that since she met Sameen, though. That’s another reason I like Sameen. She makes Samantha happy, which means she doesn't harm herself anymore. But Sameen wasn’t here at the moment, so she couldn’t help Samantha with whatever was happening right now. Which means, I will.

I pressed closer to Samantha’s body. I knew she needed the comfort, which I was more than happy to give her. She was crying still, and had trouble speaking. But I could hear her just fine. And what I heard made me understand why she was so heartbroken.

“She’s gone, Bear! Sameen’s dead!”

I felt my own heart grow heavy with despair.

_Sameen was dead? No. That can’t happen! She can’t leave Samantha like this! She wouldn’t!_

I can’t really describe the feeling that washed over me at that moment. It was like reassurance of… something. But what, I had no idea. All I know is that it was strangely similar to the feeling I got when Sameen used to let me sleep in the bed with her and Samantha during a thunderstorm.


	8. Part 6: Samantha

 

For months following the officer’s visit, I tried to live on without Sameen. I truly, honestly did. I tried everything I could think of - immersing myself in my work, tricking my body into a routine day in and day out. I even consulted a psychiatrist (and I always hated phychiatrists). But I simply couldn't live without my wife.

Now, it was almost a year later and my life had lost all meaning. I was just going through the motions now - surviving, but nothing more. I didn’t go out much. My job as a programer and freelance hacker (not for malicious or illegal reasons), allowed me to work from home most days. I didn’t go out to parties or bars and I had groceries delivered to my apartment. The only time I went out was to walk Bear twice a day in Central Park. I really didn’t feel like doing anything without Sameen, but I couldn’t let my grief hinder my ability to take care of Bear. He was my only companion now, besides John, and I loved him too much to loose him, too. So, I continued to do everything I could to take good care of him. Bear didn’t seem to mind. He knew I was upset and he missed Sameen,as well. So, he was never more than 10 feet away from me at all times. Even when we were in the park and I let him off his leash, Bear didn’t run off like he used to. Instead, he’d roll around in the grass and preferred long walks so that he was closer to me.

John was my only visitor these days. He was worried about me, I could tell, but he never brought up Sameen. I think he knew that talking about her would just make the pain worse. So, instead, he came to my apartment a few times a week to check up on Bear and I. He’d bring treats for Bear and some takeout - usually a couple Beatrice Lillies from Park’s Deli (that was Sameen’s favorite sandwich place). Other times, he’d bring pizza - the really expensive kind because as Sameen used to tell us Domino’s pizza “is not real pizza.” On rare occasions, John would bring steak from Sameen’s favorite steakhouse, as well. Whatever food he brought me, it would always be connected to Sameen somehow. It comforted me, made me feel closer to her for some reason. I always fed some of it to Bear because I know he liked it, too.

Through all of this, though, the pain of Sameen’s absence never left me. It just got worse and worse as each month passed. I tried to hide the full impact of it from John. He had enough to worry about with his job as a police officer at the 8th precinct. (He got a position there after his Marine contract ended.) He didn’t need to worry about my problms on top of all that.  
But the truth was, my depression was so bad at this point, I couldn’t live with it anymore. So, one morning, after feeding Bear and showering, I grabbed my leather jacket from the closet and slipped it on.

Bear watched me curiously from where he lay next to the couch. He stood up to follow me when I headed toward the front door.

I stopped and knelt down in front of him. He watched me with curious eyes and whined.

“Hey, Buddy,” I reached out to stroke his ears. He pressed his head into my hand. “I have to go do something. But I have to leave you here.”

I pressed a kiss to the top of his head and he moved forward, pressing his body close to mine. He touched his wet nose to my cheek and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face into his fur. “I love you, my beautiful boy. So much.”  
Bear gave a small woof and licked my face. I gave him a tiny, sad smile before standing up and opening the door. I looked back at Bear, meeting his eyes one last time. “Goodbye, Bear.”

Bear stood quietly, just watching me, as I left the apartment, closing the door firmly behind me.

***

As I walked through the door of the stairwell onto the rooftop, a cool breeze hit my face, making me shiver. It was approaching.winter in New York and the days were getting colder. Soon, there would be snow on the ground and everyone would be getting hyped up for the holiday season - Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever holidays they chose to celebrate.  
My mind drifted to memories of Sameen during the holidays. She always pretended to hate Chrsitmas, but I know she secretly loved it. She’d insist on putting the star at the top of the tree because she wanted to prove she could. She pretended not to love it when we gathered at our apartment with John and Bear and had Christmas dinner. But we all knew there was no place she’d rather be.

I shook my head, clearing it of those thoughts. I had to do this. I couldn’t let anything distract me.

I stepped closer to the edge of the rooftop and closed my eyes. I bit my lip, taking a tentative step forward. I was about to take my last step off the side of the rooftop, when I felt a soft breeze brush past me ear.

“Don’t,” a voice whispered.

I halted, my breathe hitching. I knew that voice. But there was no way… Sameen was gone. I must be hallucinating.  
I shut my eyes tighter and tensed my muscles to take that final step, when a hand grabbed my arm, stopping me. A cold… something pressed against my back. I could feel the chill of it seep through my leather jacket and I shuddered.

I heard the voice in my ear again: “Step away from the edge, Eeyore.”

I felt my heart skip a beat and my eyes shot open. “Sameen?” I choked out.

The coldness at my back started to feel more solid until I could distinctly feel a person’s body - one I was acutely familiar with. It was my wife, Sameen.  
“I’m here, atashé del-am (a Persian term of endearment, meaning ‘fire of my heart’).”

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t know how it was possible, but Sameen was here. It was her. I was certain of it. She was the only person who called me those names, “Eeyore” and “atashé del-am.” No one else knew about them, not even John.

I took several steps back from the edge of the building - the coldness at my back retreating, the hold on my arm letting go. I felt my heart grow heavy in my chest and I took a deep breath. Slowly, I turned to see…

“Sameen.”

It was definitely her. She was semi-transparent but just as beautiful as I remembered her to be. Her deep brown eyes bore into mine, filled with love and concern, just as they had so many times before.

I stared at her, wide eyed. “How...?”

She gave me a small smirk. “You didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?”

I laughed, a few tears escaping my eyes and streaming down my face. I lunged toward Sameen, pulling her into a tight hug. Her skin was cool, but surprisingly solid. I could feel the fabric of her black jacket under my fingertips and the strength of her arms as they wrapped around my waist. I pressed my nose into the skin of her neck and closed my eyes. I felt safe again in my wife’s arms, at ease, content for the first time since her death. Part of me was certain this was real. The other… was afraid this was all just a dream.

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Sameen pulled me closer to her body and pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “This is real, Sam. I’m here.”

“You’re... a ghost?” I asked, my voice quiet but not at all fearful.

“Yes.”

I took a moment to think about that. My wife, who had died nearly a year ago, was back. As a ghost, but she was here. And that, I decided, was good enough for me.

“Ok,” I said.

“Ok?” Sameen asked, sounding a little surprised.

I nodded into her neck. “You’re back and that's all that matters.”

We stood like that in silence for a few moments, just enjoying the comfort of being wrapped up in each other’s arms.

“I missed you so much,” I told her.

We pulled apart so that we could see one another’s faces. I still had my arms wrapped around Sameen’s neck and she let her hands rest on my hips. She leaned forward to place a soft kiss on my forehead and I shivered at the coolness of her touch directly on my skin.

“I missed you, too, Eeyore.”

I smiled at her adoringly.

She gave me a small smile and leaned forward to capture my lips with hers. The kiss was slow and gentle, but filled with passion and love. The coldness of her skin made my lips tingle, even after she pulled away.

I rested my head on her shoulder and she tangled a hand in my hair.

“I love you, Sameen,” I whispered.

“Dooset daram, atashé del-am (I love you, 'fire to my heart’).”

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Sameen spoke up again. “You ready to go home, Sam? We don’t want Bear thinking we’ve abandoned him.”

I smiled and lifted my head from her shoulder. Meeting her eyes, I nodded. “Let’s go home.”  
Sameen took my hand and led the way back toward the stairwell. There was a lot we still had to do. I didn’t know exactly how we were going to explain all of this to Bear and John. But I wasn’t worried because I knew that Sameen would be with my all the while. And with my wife by my side, I would be able to face do anything the universe threw our way.

**Author's Note:**

> I know the art is not very well done. I could do much better, but I don't have a computer to use and the editing capabilities on my iPad and the web are limited compared to Photoshop or Gimp. I tried my best with what I had and the art in this fic is the result. I hope it's not total puke.


End file.
